Tuesday's Top Ten: Quirky Stories/Traits About John McCain That The Media Refuses To Cover

Tuesday's Top Ten: Quirky Stories/Traits About John McCain That The Media Refuses To Cover

Title is self explanatory in so the little sayings or tendencies John Sidney McCain has on a day to day basis that either irk, make you laugh or make you wonder:

10.) 'Whisper Flow' - Maybe it's just me but do you ever notice that when John McCain thinks he's making a clever point or making a point of significance he always slips into the a whisper? It's really quite remarkable because he does it so much it's become a bit of a trademark. He goes to the whisper like it's his fucking job. Sometimes if you close your eyes you might be able to fool yourself that John McCain is actually Young Chris from the Rocafella duo the Young Gunz. in fact, I'm waiting on the day some clever internet personality puts a McCain townhall speech over the "Can't Stop, Won't Stop" instrumental. I'm not voting for the nigga but I might be coaxed into doing it myself and burning it on a cd and riding through a conservative white suburban township to see if they mind Hip-Hop as much if MC Cain is spitting ether about Obama over the beat.



9.) 'Center Obama' - This is nitpciky but Johnny Mac is so lazy that he doesn't even pronounce Barack Obama by his entire title, he calls the man 'Center Obama'. It's not malicious or anything and it's a far cry from the contemptuous "that one" or the more odious "Barack Hussein Obama" but it's just an interesting side plot of the campaign that happens so frequently I'm considering making it a drinking game during the third and final debate next Thursday.



8.) 'My Friends' - This is the new 'the' to him and it's not even academically true. Who are these friends McCain is referring to? Somebody I'm not familiar with certainly because looking at the polls and internal numbers and favorability numbers he doesn't have many friends. If his campaign were on Myspace Tom wouldn't accept his friendship. It's like him giving the crowd a flower before he shitbags them with follow up insults and put-downs about his opponent. He's down by 11% in the latest daily Gallup Poll. His friends don't like his ass. He's like that one friend everybody has that calls them every other week and keep calling and getting the voicemail and seems to write off your ignoring them as something other than that. He's the only person in the relationship between you two that thinks you two are friends. LOL.



7.) 'Change Is Coming' is complete shit coming from the mouth of a man who can't offer it. In fact, the only way that slogan can be understood by the American people to mean anything is if it's some code to his handlers that he needs a new diaper.



6.) John McCain's Robot Dance - John McCain does the robot dance with his arms every time he speaks publicly and is trying to articulate his point to the masses. Not to be mean, but it's ostensibly true that John McCain breakdances to silence on the stage everytime he utters a paragraph. Not a critique, in fact I think it's gully.

I'm just saying.



5.) 'Maverick' - John McCain is not a Maverick. He is the same conservative turd the rest of his party is. He really is. Same ideology, same stances on health care, civil rights, a women's choice, all of it. So unless Marc Cuban signs this nigga to a contract, he is not a Maverick.



4.) Blinking - John McCain blinks 482 times a minute. Either he has a nervous tick, he walks around with a cloud of dust in front of his face at all times like Pigpen from 'Peanuts' or he's lying every single moment of every day. John McCain blinks like terrorists are holding his family hostage with semi-automatic weapons who will make his living room look like the Denzel's last scene in 'Training Day' if he doesn't blink like there's no tomorrow.



3.) Thumbs Up - John McCain likes nothing more than to give a thumbs up to a crowd. The man conducts his hands like Hacksaw Jim Duggins. Somebody needs to send him out to the podium next week with a 2x4 and an American flag and plant an operative at every location he speaks at to start a 'USA' chant randomly. [It's not like the crowd won't join him in the USA chant. After all, this is the party that thinks if you wear a flag pin, seal a bumper sticker on your car and verbally exercise your love for your country that people will look the other way when your beliefs don't echo that patriotism.]



2.) John McCain literally looks like a 'Clear Gummi Bear'. I just can't vote for a man that can be bought at a concession stand. That's just not baller.


















1.) John McCain walks like 'Fred Sanford. Next time McCain goes on 'The View' I just hope the promos for the show have some recording of him clutching his chest saying:
"Elizabeth Hasselbeck, I'm coming to join you"
Now enjoy this "Crank That Fred Sanford" video I found:


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Update
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Extra John McCain Videos Utilizing the 'Whisper Flow'

Skip to 1:20 for the Whisper Flow

Also according to my count he did the robot, the Fred Sanford Strut and also referred to Barack as 'Center Obama' in this clip too. McCain went for the cyle here. Well done, John.

The Corner Seat

Every man will undoubtedly identify with what I'm about to say because they've looked me in the eyes on the battlefield and locked horns with me in the quest of it and it's never pretty. The End Seat of the row on planes, in movie theaters, in church and every other social venue that requires being seated turns me into Leonidas from 300 every time. There's nothing scarier in the car en route to your destination other than traffic than wondering if you'll be on time and then by extension if you'll have somewhere to sit. Of course, by that I mean not just anywhere to sit, but the corner seat specifically. You know the seat that gives you extra leg space on one side. The seat that gives you absolute independence and freedom to get up and go to the bathroom freely without having to go through the act of excusing yourself by every pair of kneecaps and shoes as you try to move gracefully through the row to get to the aisle as you are almost handicapped to get cooperation to be able to go to the bathroom. It's disgusting. You piss everyone off on the way to the bathroom and just as people get comfortable again after you've left and they've forgot you existed, you've got to get back to your seat so you have to go through the whole song and dance again to return to your seat. And Heaven forbid you have to go to the bathroom more than once, or your phone rings or you get to coughing and need a drink of water or visit the concession stand because it's pretty much an unwritten rule that you've used your one grace exit and entrance back to your seat and that any additional interruptions and disturbances will cause unpleasant reactions that may not be able to be masked. People will give you the benefit of hiding their displeasure the first time around but the second time, expect funny looks or unnecessary clicks of tongues or sighs like your mother ought to send out hand written apologies to everybody in your way for ever having gave birth to you.

If you ask me, I'd much rather stand up during a movie if I get there 5-10 minutes late than have to get to the two open seats in the middle of the road. But what can you do if you're with company in the public? Sometime I wish I were handicapped so my seat would be guaranteed and not only that I'd have a quick spot upfront in the parking lot too, but instead I'm using my legs like asshole. Lucky me.