1.) Gold/Platinum Grills [Unless your dentist is recommending this for a rotting tooth, there is no practical reason you need this at all other than you have money and you're too immature to hold it on your own and your grandmother isn't around to put it in her purse until you're ready to spend it responsibly. I condemn anyone unilaterally who dons this wicked niggadry.]
2.) FUBU [Fubu was such a colossally bad idea that second rate clothing stores haven't sold it in years. Only fitting that the corniest rapper of all-time (LL Cool J) endorsed it. I remember a significant other tried to give me a Fat Albert Fubu sweater for Christmas one year, needless to say I dodged that shit like the matrix. Karl Kani > FUBU]
3.) The Throwback Jersey[I won't front, they were cool for a very very brief moment in time and just a soon as they blew into puniversal prominence they became lame. When people started wearing the fake jerseys and rocking the off-brand ones and inventing new throwback jerseys to make a buck like the awful "QBs of the Century" throwback jerseys I exited the game and left the fad for younger more hopeless humanoids. At their height rappers had them in their videos and you couldn't find them in stock anywhere you looked at their worst, and I don't fabricate this at all, you could literally go in the gas station put 20 on a pump and buy one behind the counter in the same transaction right in between the fake Hilfiger shirts and Nike skullies. How distasteful.]
4.) Jewelry from the back of "The Source" [If you didn't know this was a bad idea on your own than you probably shouldn't cross the street without the accompaniment of an adult.]
5.) Metallic Denim [This one is one of the worst offenses. One of the worst of the worst. This fad a whole generation of people looking like well-dressed Transformers. Walking around like an aluminum can with legs. Just a bad idea. Truly an all encompassing loss.]
6.) S-Curl/Activator [S-Curls are the communion of Ugly Pretty Boys. It's the sacriment for them. It's corny. Its lame. It's a hybrid of corny and lame. It's that deep. If you're not mixed or you don't share a relative with Pochahontas, guess what, chances are your hair isn't going to be of that texture and you need to be proud of what you have naturally and worry about making the wave-length taper work for you because you're not fooling anyone. Please for the sake of the youth, let this one die with the 80's babies.]
7.) Skully w Eye/Mouth Holes [There is absolutely positively nothing positive you can even do with one of these so why do they even make them? Whose the asshole that keeps buying these year after year and keeping the product in circulation? This is the preferred attire of convenience store robbers and wack South rappers for their album covers. Black people should declare a moratorium on this awful head piece. In fact, the only people that should wear masks that cover their faces excluding their eyes and mouth are Mexican wrestlers.]
8.) Pager [This is the biggest 'Look At Me' invention in history. So you're telling me men in the 90's used to walk around with devices from people who were looking to get in touch with them and be paged by people who left their numbers and then had to go to a phone and call the number back? Why not just call their house phone and leave a message. It serves the same purpose, it's cheaper and makes you look less like a dick. Plus -added bonus- you know what the person wants from the note instead of having to stare directly at a number and wonder what exactly they want in the first place. Or how about this, why not buy a cell phone and cut out the middle man altogether.
PS. I owned one myself in '95. :( ]
9.) D-Band Headband [Pictures-1000 words. You get the picture.]
LOL @ this. This shit looks like Joe Pesci's scully after MacCauley Culkin set it on fire in Home Alone.
10.) Reebok Classics (Mens) [If you like women and hope to get one in the future you probably shouldn't dress like one. Especially if you don't like ugly sneakers. Just because they're cheap and affordable doesn't mean you should buy them. Black people need ugly clothing like they need $5 Gas.]
2.) FUBU [Fubu was such a colossally bad idea that second rate clothing stores haven't sold it in years. Only fitting that the corniest rapper of all-time (LL Cool J) endorsed it. I remember a significant other tried to give me a Fat Albert Fubu sweater for Christmas one year, needless to say I dodged that shit like the matrix. Karl Kani > FUBU]
3.) The Throwback Jersey[I won't front, they were cool for a very very brief moment in time and just a soon as they blew into puniversal prominence they became lame. When people started wearing the fake jerseys and rocking the off-brand ones and inventing new throwback jerseys to make a buck like the awful "QBs of the Century" throwback jerseys I exited the game and left the fad for younger more hopeless humanoids. At their height rappers had them in their videos and you couldn't find them in stock anywhere you looked at their worst, and I don't fabricate this at all, you could literally go in the gas station put 20 on a pump and buy one behind the counter in the same transaction right in between the fake Hilfiger shirts and Nike skullies. How distasteful.]4.) Jewelry from the back of "The Source" [If you didn't know this was a bad idea on your own than you probably shouldn't cross the street without the accompaniment of an adult.]
5.) Metallic Denim [This one is one of the worst offenses. One of the worst of the worst. This fad a whole generation of people looking like well-dressed Transformers. Walking around like an aluminum can with legs. Just a bad idea. Truly an all encompassing loss.]
6.) S-Curl/Activator [S-Curls are the communion of Ugly Pretty Boys. It's the sacriment for them. It's corny. Its lame. It's a hybrid of corny and lame. It's that deep. If you're not mixed or you don't share a relative with Pochahontas, guess what, chances are your hair isn't going to be of that texture and you need to be proud of what you have naturally and worry about making the wave-length taper work for you because you're not fooling anyone. Please for the sake of the youth, let this one die with the 80's babies.]7.) Skully w Eye/Mouth Holes [There is absolutely positively nothing positive you can even do with one of these so why do they even make them? Whose the asshole that keeps buying these year after year and keeping the product in circulation? This is the preferred attire of convenience store robbers and wack South rappers for their album covers. Black people should declare a moratorium on this awful head piece. In fact, the only people that should wear masks that cover their faces excluding their eyes and mouth are Mexican wrestlers.]
8.) Pager [This is the biggest 'Look At Me' invention in history. So you're telling me men in the 90's used to walk around with devices from people who were looking to get in touch with them and be paged by people who left their numbers and then had to go to a phone and call the number back? Why not just call their house phone and leave a message. It serves the same purpose, it's cheaper and makes you look less like a dick. Plus -added bonus- you know what the person wants from the note instead of having to stare directly at a number and wonder what exactly they want in the first place. Or how about this, why not buy a cell phone and cut out the middle man altogether.PS. I owned one myself in '95. :( ]
9.) D-Band Headband [Pictures-1000 words. You get the picture.]
LOL @ this. This shit looks like Joe Pesci's scully after MacCauley Culkin set it on fire in Home Alone.
10.) Reebok Classics (Mens) [If you like women and hope to get one in the future you probably shouldn't dress like one. Especially if you don't like ugly sneakers. Just because they're cheap and affordable doesn't mean you should buy them. Black people need ugly clothing like they need $5 Gas.]
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