Where are they now (March 8th Edition Pt. 1)

From time to time in different bouts of boredom, I sometime think about old school TV I used to watch and how great shows were back the and how the kids today have to watch a bunch of garbage and how unfair it is. A lot has changed since then which got me thinking why not take a look at how much things have changed and what better way to accomplish that then by showing what people look like now and how much things really have changed for the people we remember watching growing up.

Exhibit A we have: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (The OG's, not that watered down nonsense they tried to pass off on you past Season 2.) Unfortunately we here at HAWO sadly have to report that the Yellow Ranger (Trini) was killed in a car accident back in 2001. RIP to her. Zordon, hold your head. I always found it wild how the black ranger was black, the yellow ranger was asian and later the white ranger would be --wait for it--white. Seemed way too easy to me. That among other things like the fact that the show fell off after the 2nd or 3rd set of zords and whole wost of minor inconsistencies keep this show from being the dominant kid show of my childhood. MMPR was like Grant Hill. Had all the intangibles you'd want in a TV show; terrific all-around and promising beyond anything it could have ever hoped for, but after the first few great years for some reason never materialized on that ability.

Anways the remaining cast member don't look like that pic above now. Nothing is Mighty or Powerful about these Rangers anymore. They don't look like teenagers who protect the town from Rita's monsters, they look like the town now. I mean look at this picture from '06:

I mean in their day their mugs used to be on cereal boxes and action figures used to be jammed at the bottom of that box you'd kill over trying to find, but now they look like you'd catch them at 1:00 AM in the cereal aisle at Kroger. The Red Ranger especially looks (guy in the white button down) like you'd catch him twice a day in Kroger. I'm disappointed the most in you Jason. Folks if it hurts you to see these pics imagine how it makes me feel. I had all that shit they were peddling. I had the morphers, I had the green ranger's flute/sword thingy and I went out and saw their shitty movie the day it came out and wouldn't let my parents off the hook for that little 'privilege' for a month. Looking at these pics makes me feel like I stumbled into a spoiler for the series finale of "The Wire". I only wish I could unsee these but it gets worse...

I really ain't even mad at you Bulk. You're about what I remember you to be. Portly, jolly, goofy, dim-witted background character. You've kept it realer than anyone else you used to roll with I guess. Hulk out and get cake, figuratively and literally my dude. Holla at Skull for me when you see him. And since we're talking about you and Skull, what was with you guys? I know he was your roaddog and all and every scene you were in he was in and vice-versa but what was really going on with you guys? I always sensed a "Bert & Ernie" relationship between y'all. Am I picking up on something that was obvious but was never focused in on? You tell me.



What in the blue hell is this though? You're the Black Ranger and you look like you should have been the Pink Ranger. Plus your hairline is a wreck. I told you about hitting up that fat dude at the end of the row in the barbershop whose chair is always open. It's open for a reason, nigga. He'll have you looking like, well you. Then you have the nerve to smile and stick your tongue out the corner of your mouth. Nigga you ugly. You ain't Michael Jordan. You ain't on a basketball court. You ain't dunking. You don't have a jersey on. Close your mouth. Put your shirt on. Cut your hair off and start over. You've lost that hairline to the struggle, homeboy. Best to cut ties with it now and build on the future. If your hairline was a basketball player it would be Kwame Brown. It's a bust and even if you try to put a smiling spin on it, it's still Kwame Brown. Jerry Rice thinks your hairline lost. Other than the Red Ranger, on the playground during recess you were the most sought after role whenever kids would be emulating the show (Not me, I was always the Green Ranger and the White Ranger because Tommy was my dude back then). Get your life in order.

The one, lone bright spot from the rangers of my childhood that didn't fall off was the Pink Ranger. I had the biggest crush on Kimberly way back when. I had shit all laid out when I was 10. I was gonna marry the Pink Ranger and Aaliyah, become a Mormon and live out the rest of my days in Utah eating happy meals and hating on Karl Malone and John Stockton. Unfortunately that dream can never be but it makes me smile to see at least one part of that equation still possible. I'm sure many young men were introduced to puberty through this gift from God. Everybody who watched this show that I knew thought she was at least cute. Even the most pro-black negros from my youth that were taking their cues from Denzel in and worshipping at the alter of Malcolm X, Mike Tyson and Michael Jordan at that time were drawn to this angel. I'm probably rewriting history a bit here, but the moral of this story is she held up pretty well over the years. I think she went on to co-star in Felicity on the WB but I couldn't tune in to that show if her, Aaliyah and I was on that show. I think I was too busy watching more affluent upstanding shows like Homeboyz In Outerspace and losing retroactively.




Any I think I'll be re-examining My Brother & Me or Gullah Gullah Island and giving you updates on some of those characters. You'll be shocked at what Alfie is up to, these days. Stay Tuned...