Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Tuesday's Top Ten: Easiest To Hate Teams In Sports

Today's Top Ten factors in the fans, the team's track record, the city and the humility to determine which teams are truly the worst most detestable organizations in all of sports. Nothing else needs to be said so let's go:

1.) Los Angeles Lakers - Bar none the worst of the worst. The most arrogant, self-confident fans in the sports world with no real reason to be at least in the last 6 years. They're closer to a decade of not being the best than they are closer to the last time they were. They're the Republicans of NBA fandom. Nobody likes them. The only people that hold them down are the extremists. You have a more fruitful conversation with Republicans about Civil Rights than talk to a Lakers fan on their team objectively. Lakers fans always take it to the highest, most over the top extreme no matter which one you talk to. I hardly even react to most of it because I'm developing bullshit fatigue from them every year when they say they're the best and then go out and lose. I'm not knocking the Lakers themselves for losing. It happens. Ask the Buckeyes the last two years :(. That's what happens when two teams play, one wins and one loses. I just can't take it when the same people who are proven wrong year in and year out keep talking shit every year, anew about something they clearly know nothing about. The biggest dumbasses in the world are the ones who are the loudest and most often wrong and as fans go nobody, I mean nobody, is louder and delivers less than the Laker fans.
2.) USC Trojans - In the last 6 years, and really that's the only time they had been relevant in recent memory, they won a 'ship in '04 and lost to Texas in '05 in the big game (kudos for getting to the big game two straight years though). They had three 2-loss seasons in the fucking Pac-10 in those 6 years after Mark May, Lee Corso and everyone else on ESPN put their team above the '85 Bears every single individual year without exemption. The other one-loss year, the AP, who I think as much of as I do vomit, named them champions. USC is pretty good and other than the Buckeyes they have been the college football team of the decade, but they always get overrated by the left coast, ESPN and are made to seem superior because they play in a conference that I've laughed at every year this decade except last year. Niggas are going to have to show me what's good on September 13th against those Buckeyes to shut me up. I don't give a shit about what some screennames on the internet have to say on the matter. We'll see on the field.
3.) Detroit Pistons - For all their bravado what do they have? Some hockey shit (you call them titles I call them shit), a WNBA championship that means less to me than horseshit and one NBA championship and a lot of failures. Their talk is greater than their accomplishments so whatever to them but really it's all they got. They are from Michigan and that's sad. Anything to keep their mind off their troubling economy job force crime rate everything.
4.) University of Michigan Football - They're Michigan and they stink like skunk shit and have this arrogant heir about themselves every year for no other reason than their as clueless about being inferior as fish are to being wet. If they weren't arrogant and they were humble they wouldn't be on this list but they're Michigan and thus have neither humility nor humanity and it's imperative they place this high.
5.) Texas Longhorns Football - Love Matthew McConehey's movies, hate the man's antics. He is the face of Austin douchebaggery campuswide. Texas was the Susan Lucci of college football for years. Never good enough to win the big one. They got Vince Young, won one and haven't been shit since. Can you tell me why they're ranked every year now? Out of respect? Does Mack Brown got dirt on all the Coaches and sportswriters? I just don't get. They'll have a loss or two before the Red River Shootout.
6.) UCLA Basketball - This team is another one of those teams that insists it's good and then goes out and dissapoints. It's almost Tracy McGradyian. How about winning THEN being talked about every year as a force to be reckoned with? Of course playing in the Pac-10 gives you no experience when the time comes to face real teams. Turn your own buzz down a little and you wouldn't be on this list. You're like a ugly arrogant chick, just stop.
7.) Cleveland Browns - Their uniforms are ugly. Their city is Cleveland. Nobody likes the Browns outside of Cleveland. They're referred to as "The Brownies". People from Cleveland generally suck and when you encounter a Browns fan you usually have to shit after the ordeal. The AFC North could do without the Browns with their 'one good year after several subpar seasons and still hyped up over a team that's headed the opposite direction this year' ass. Cleveland Brown on Family Guy > the Cleveland Browns.

8.) UK Basketball Fans - They annoy me because the same racists that hate on blacks 8 months out of the year cheer the 12 on this team for the other 4 months and it's disgusting. Fuck Kentucky.

9.) NY Knicks Fans - The team that insists upon it's own relevance even when everybody outside the city has long stopped caring. Why should I care that the Knicks are so awful, Steven A. Smith, Tim Legler, Greg Anthony, ESPN, Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley? I shouldn't be able to name 2 players on their team and I know their who roster. I swear they got coverage just because they were awful the last 5 years. They got more pub stinking than the Jazz got winning the last couple years. Disgusting.

10.) Cincinnati Bengals - You'll wonder why a die-hard Cincinnatian would write this so let me tell you--because Bengals fans aren't true fans. They're fairweather fickle. When I went to OSU I lived in Columbus BEFORE the Bengals' 11-5 season and let me tell you, it was a Browns town all the way but once the Bengals started tasting that success, out came a sea of Bengals jerseys and sweatshirts and tees and everything. I've never seen a mass of people dickride a team overnight like I saw in 2005. I wondered if all these people were just doing time in prison or were overseas in Iraq or Afghanistan or something and that's why I missed seeing them during all the futility of the 90's and first couple years of the the new millennium during the Jon Kitna era. Then 2006 and 2007 came and the Bengals came back down to Earth and the mothership came and transported these punk ass people and they stopped representing the Bengals and the jerseys stayed in their closets and those that didn't put them in closets sold them on eBay and used the money they got from that to buy Browns jerseys. Of course. I understand that when you're not born and raised in Cincinnati and a native of the town that it's a whole lot easier to turn your back on them and shit on them and be detached from them than if you were from there but it just made/makes me sick to my stomach. When the Cincinnati Bengals win the Superbowl, and they will, the glory will be almost entirely mine and the 20 or so real niggas who rode it out during the rough years. The people who when Cincinnati Bengals players came to their schools, they still got giddy when they saw them. The Cincinnatians who watched every minute of every gut-wrenching loss even when it was apparent that they were going to lose after the first quarter of some games when the Bengals couldn't stop their toilet from running, let alone the opposing running back. Our moment is coming loyal fans but the other 95% of you can go to hell. I'd just as soon as see you report to Fallujah than at Paul Brown Stadium on Sundays.

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