Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon Married?

Now this site isn't a gossip site because amongst other things I'm a heterosexual 23 year old guy whose got enough in his own life to worry about dishing gossip and the like but I can't be the only one who just heard about this five minutes ago. You're telling me Nick and Mariah have been in each other's presence longer than the five minutes they apparently were when this moment from a Teen's Choice Award Show found them on stage together?


You know what, I'm not even mad. Well maybe a little. I mean I didn't even have enough time to hate on them when they were dating. Well, this is a definite downgrade from Nicklaus. Especially since you were with Kim Kardashian before the whole neighborhood ran through her. Mariah is a good 7 or 8 years past her prime and has been through the 13th Infantry herself but then again, you are still Nick Cannon, right? You're still every bit as corny as you've ever been. You've still only been on one good movie, right? Sounds about as right as couples you come by in Hollywood though. It ain't like y'all are Shawn & Beyonce Carter but with the right lighting and from a distance if it's raining outside and y'all are jogging, the paparazzi might be fooled into taking pictures of you two thinking that you were them because let's be honest, y'all ain't shit individually and if you were an algebraic equation together y'all would be the square root of monkey feces. I've never enjoyed anything either of you have ever done. I just wish I could have been at the wedding. I would have thrown rice at you. Scalding hot rice.